All along I thought that baby girl was going to come early. I wasn't holding my breath believing it to be true, but just had a feeling. Sunday morning I distinctly remember having a conversation with myself in my head. It went something like this...
"I am so sick of thinking this baby is coming early and it's just not happening. I'm tired of thinking that all these Braxton Hicks contractions I've been having actually mean anything. She's not coming early...she's probably going to be late!"
And with that, I decided to give up and let go of anxiously awaiting and wondering if and when she was on her way. I guess that was all it took for baby girl to decide to make her debut.
I was going to attend church that day because I knew it might be a while before I would be able to go again since the following week was General Conference, and I was seriously hoping she would arrive before the Sunday after that. However, after going to a meeting and visiting teaching in the morning, I wasn't feeling awesome so I decided to stay home with Miles and a sick Owen. And it's a good thing I did.
****The birthing story starts now. If you have a weak stomach, or don't want to hear nitty, gritty details...STOP READING. You have been warned.****
Around 3:30 PM I noticed what I thought was possibly some amniotic fluid or other sign of labor. At one point, there was some red tinging that made me think that I was for sure starting labor since I had that before my water broke with Owen. At this point I was only having some occasional Braxton hicks contractions. I told Miles that I was pretty sure I was in labor and called my mom to tell her. She was pretty sad since she had plans to fly out the next day. I also informed my friend, Jess, to be on stand-by since she was planning on coming to the hospital to help support me through my natural delivery. And I called my sister, Kerry, so she would also be ready to head down from Salt Lake. When Kerry answered the phone, she said, "Happy birthday!" (since it had been my birthday two days earlier) and said, "Just kidding." I replied with, "Well...it might be a happy birthing day!"
So Miles and I kicked back and watched some TV. By 5:20 PM I was starting to have some very mild contractions and fluid seemed to be leaking more heavily. My next trip to the bathroom had me wondering about things. I looked online to see what color amniotic fluid was supposed to be. Mine was kind of greenish and I did not remember that with Owen at all. Everything I read made me believe it was probable that there was meconium in the fluid. I called the on-call doctor to ask about it, as I wanted to stay at home as long as possible. She said she didn't want to alarm me, but would like me to go to the hospital right away.
I hadn't gotten around to packing my bag yet, so I got all my stuff together while Miles called his parents to come over. Miles was fairly peeved that baby girl was on her way. He said, "I told you not to have her on the weekend. I wanted to take time off work." Then he added, "I'm not ready for her to come." I said, "Too bad. She's on her way!" :)
Miles's parents arrived and we were about to head out. Owen had woken up from his nap and said, "I want to come!" I told him I was sure he didn't. Then he hugged me tight and said, "Don't go Mama!" Aw...poor little guy. I looked at him and said, "You will always be my first born and I love you so much!" He hugged me back and exclaimed, "I love you too!" We took one last photo of us as a family of three, and with that...we were off and out the door by 6 PM.
My contractions were more intense at this point. Miles even noted that they seemed to be more intense than when we left for the hospital to deliver Owen. He pulled up to the hospital doors and dropped me off. (Don't worry. I told him I'd be fine. There was no valet parking available.) I walked in and went up to Labor and Delivery. I filled out some papers and they checked me in. Miles and his mom arrived shortly after. I got changed and they checked me out. They confirmed that my water had obviously broken, and I was dilated to 3 cm. While I was hoping for more, it was nice that I was at least making progress. (At my 38 week appointment I was 1 cm.) I had to get my IV for my group B strep antibiotics. She hooked me up to the drip and Miles and Margaret made my room more comfortable by diffusing lavender into the air.
Enjoying some tiger's blood flavored ice before things ramped up.
The great view from my room.
Things were going ok. Each contraction was strong, but I just tried to focus and breath through them. After a bit, I asked how long I had to be hooked up. The nurse (Summer) said that it takes 30 min to an hour for the antibiotics. I was bummed about that because my contractions were getting more intense and I was ready to try some different positions (birthing ball? standing/walking?) to see if it would alleviate some of the discomfort. She checked me again around 7 PM, shortly after Kerry arrived. I was at 4 cm. While I know it's pretty average to go about 1 cm an hour, I was bummed I wasn't progressing faster, and I was surprised at how intense things felt at a relatively early stage.
Kerry and Jess took turns videoing the birthing experience.
Over the next 30 min, it really started ramping up and by the time the drip stopped, I couldn't even think about moving. The contractions were coming more rapidly and intensely. I was feeling weak - physically and emotionally. Miles played affirmations by my ear while I tried to focus on my breathing. Summer came in again after a rather large contraction and said, "How was that one?" Um...yeah...it was great. She checked me again and I was at 4.5 cm...right on track for 1 cm an hour. UGH. I remember thinking of my friend, Taryn, who during her delivery had been told it was too late to get her epidural and had to go naturally because it all went so quickly. I had thought that would be great - quick delivery, no other option, etc. I suddenly realized how crazy that was and I would have died if it wasn't a possibility, so I started talking about getting an epidural. Miles was so good and supportive of my plan and told me no and that I could do it. Kerry was having a hard time watching me in pain and said, "It's her body. It's up to her if she wants to get one." I think Miles was frustrated because he knew what our birth plan was and was trying so hard to stick to it. I just kept feeling weaker and more unsure that I would be able to keep it up. My body was shaking and I was SO hot. Everyone was trying to make me comfortable and I just wanted to be dunked in an ice bath. I asked for cold rags and Miles, Margaret, and Kerry asked Summer for ice packs for me. At one point, Miles tried to rub my feet. I quickly said, "Don't touch me. You're hot." I think I scared him off and he didn't want to make me upset. Of course it wasn't about him - he can't control his body temperature. And in his defense, earlier when he was doing light touch massage and stroking my head and hair, I really appreciated it.
A little after 8 PM I finally decided I just couldn't imagine going on like this for another five+ hours and asked for the epidural. Miles called Jess to let her know that her "natural birthing support" was not needed, but that she was still welcome to come. She wasn't too far away and said she wanted to be there.
The nurse said she needed to draw some blood since they couldn't find the labs anywhere. What??? Um...ok. So in between contractions, she poked me in the arm.
***Side note: The nurse couldn't find my labs, right? Well...they ran my blood and when she checked me into Mother and Baby after the baby was born, she gave a report to the nurses. She said my blood work came back positive for Hep B. I said, "What does that mean?" She said, "It means you have Hepatitis B." Duh...thank you. I wanted to know what it meant for me, my body, and my baby. So I asked again. She said, "You're doctor said not to worry about it and we're going to run the blood again. She'll talk to you about it tomorrow." I said, "How do you even get it?" (I'm thinking it's one of the other Hepatitises - one that's not a big deal.) She said, "From not washing your hands after you go to the bathroom." Huh? I told her I do. She said, "Or from other people not washing their hands." Huh? Ok. Whatever. I don't know if she was being evasive because my mother-in-law was in the room, or if she really thought that was the case. Either way, it was false.
When I talked to Dr. Savage the next day, she said, "Yeah. I was so bugged about that last night." She said that they called her to tell her I was positive when she was on her way home. She said she was angry they even ran the labs and asked why. Summer said they couldn't find mine. Dr. Savage asked how far back she looked since you get them done at the beginning of your pregnancy. I said it seemed weird you couldn't just look for them under my name. She said, "You can, but it only shows the last four labs. You have to change it to show the last 50." I said that didn't seem like it would be very hard. She smirked and said, "It's not." Then she said, "You don't have Hepatitis B. It's a sexually transmitted disease and you get it from intravenous drug use." Ah...lovely. She said she adamantly told her I did NOT have Hep B. I'm glad my doctor was on my side. But so annoying that these nurses thought I had it, and that she had to take my blood while I'm in the middle of laboring.***
Back to the birth story...
I asked if she had called the anesthesiologist yet. She said she would when she finished. Seriously? I was so bugged. At this point I had given myself over to the fact that I was getting an epidural and was so done with what I was experiencing (which, by the way, was strong cramping/pain at my hips going in toward my back and across my stomach/uterus). Finally he arrived and started on my epidural. He told me to curl in a ball on my side. I told him I couldn't move. In the beginning when I had contractions it felt doable. It would be strong and intense, and then it would all subside and go away. It was as though I wasn't even in labor. However, once they were coming fast and strong, I felt as though I wasn't even getting a break. Even when my body wasn't contracting, I still felt residual pain, and my body was shaking like crazy. Also, the anesthesiologist was so rough with me. I felt as though he was just shoving and pushing and yanking. He pulled a tube around my head and it totally yanked my hair. You would think that when you're in pain, small and minor pains and annoyances would just be ignored and melt into everything else. NO. Everything felt amplified in the midst of my pain. (And yes, I realize this post is so not hynobirthing friendly - my nice terminology has flown out the window.) At one point he told me to push with my back, against his thumb. I was doing it and he was pushing really hard. I remember saying in my head, "What the hell is he doing?!" It did not feel good, and I was so annoyed. Then, just as quickly I thought, "Actually...that kind of feels good." Ha! I think I must have been experiencing some back labor pains and it was almost like a nice counter pressure on my back. (Apparently I was bleeding and he had to stop it. It's probably because both times he told me to be still, I jumped. Always a good thing to do when someone is putting a rather large needle/tube into your spine.)
Anyway...he finally finished and I was dying for some relief. They said it would take about 10-15 min for it to take effect. I wasn't feeling anything and told the nurse. She asked if I felt any tingling. I could feel some mild tingling in one foot. The anesthesiologist came back in and gave me some more medication. I'm really not sure on time of all this, but I think it was close to 8:20 PM, right around the time that Jess arrived. I didn't feel as though I was getting any relief, but apparently I was because Kerry and Margaret said that I had some HUGE contractions that I seemed to weather well. I certainly couldn't tell! Around 8:30 or 8:45 PM (about an hour after she had checked me last) Summer checked me again. I was at 9.5 cm!!! WHAT?! In a little over an hour I went from 4.5 to 9.5. No wonder I was in so much pain and couldn't feel a dang thing from the epidural - I was in transition! I was still feeling really sharp pains in my front, lower, abdomen/pelvis. The anesthesiologist said, "I'm afraid if I give you more, you won't feel a thing when the baby is born." I was weighing in my head what I wanted to do. With Owen I specifically said I didn't want as much medication toward the end so I could feel it when it came time to push. But at this point, I was done feeling anything at all. So I said, "Go ahead and give it to me."
Jess giving me some love and support. I had a cool, wet rag on my head during most of the labor, and was squeezing the ice pack (and Margaret's hand) during contractions.
The doctor arrived shortly after 9 PM. She said that it is so common for women to say, "I can't do it anymore," and then they're complete within no time. I was kind of frustrated that I didn't just push through it, but there was no way I knew it would go so fast. She said she wanted me to do one push and see where we were at. But after she looked, she said, "No. The baby's head is right there. She's going to come fast," and put her garb on to deliver the baby. After about five pushes, baby girl was born at 9:27 PM.
One of the parts that I was really sad about was that due to there being meconium in the fluid, they had to take her right away to check her out. Which meant no immediate skin-to-skin time or allowing the umbilical cord to continue pulsing before cutting. When they first told me this, I almost started to cry. I loved having that time with Owen. Dr. Savage told me that if she didn't cry right away, I might be able to hold her for a minute or two before they took her away to suction and make sure she didn't swallow any. However, right as she came out (posterior I should add - which means face up and makes for a harder back labor experience) she burst out with a loud cry. They put her on me right away while they clamped her cord and Miles cut it. But just as quickly, she was whisked away.
I should mention here, that while she was getting taken care of by the nurses, Dr. Savage was taking care of me. I saw her hold up her hand, and her entire hand and arm up to her elbow were covered in blood. I said, "Bleh, I didn't need to see that." She said, "I'm really sorry, but your placenta didn't come out all the way and I need to try and get it all out so we don't run the risk of you hemorrhaging or needing to come back in for a D&C." She then said as she literally was up to her elbow inside of me, trying to clean me out, "It's a good thing you got that epidural. Otherwise, you would hate me and would probably be screaming in pain." I had felt so disappointed that I had gotten the epidural when I realized that by the time it actually kicked in, I was ready to delivery baby girl. I had basically gotten through the majority of the transition phase without medication only to have it at the very end. However, after she said this, it made me glad that I did. I'm not sure I could have handled it. Just having the nurses pushing on my stomach to encourage contracting and bleeding was bad enough. I literally had to restrain myself from shoving their arms off of me since this was a pain I could stop.
Baby girl getting all cleaned up.
Miles feeding me ice chips post delivery. I was still feeling pretty hot and had the shakes SO bad. (Before it was from the adrenaline and intensity of labor, this time it was from the epidural.)
Happy parents waiting for their baby.
Baby girl weighed in at 7lb. 11oz. and 19 1/2 inches long.
It felt like forever before I got to hold her again. I just kept thinking, "Where is my baby?!" Also, I found out that they didn't even have to suction her because she kept her mouth closed while she was in utero. I was happy about that, but sad they still had to take her away and it changed my birth plan. But of course it's always better to be safe than sorry.
My first extended moments with my sweet baby girl.
Then, of course she had to get love from everyone who was there for her birth-day.
Daddy
Auntie Kerry
Grandma W
"Auntie" Jess
Dr. Savage
While things did not go as planned (when do they ever?) and I was initially disappointed, I am really happy with how it worked out. And of course, the most important part is that I have a beautiful, healthy, baby girl to show for it. (Btw, they said her Apgar was an 8 and her bilirubin level was one of the best they had seen.) I am so grateful for the support and love I had during my delivery, and for a kind, caring, and competent doctor.
6 comments:
Wow, sounds like you got the epidural just in time!;) great job kendra. Birth plans are a waste of time cause nothing ever goes as planned! But you did great! So glad you have a healthy baby. I hope things are going better with the reflux...that's hard to deal with. Especially when insurance doesn't make it any easier. So are you getting any more sleep these days?
I am so sad not to be in that birth-ing picture, but so grateful to spend a better part of her first month with her and her family. I melt when Owen gives his lovies and cannot wait for Elsie to be able to do the same. What a miracle little girl, bringing such joy and promise to your family and the world. How blessed I am to be her Grammy, and I can still smell the sweet fragrance that only a newborn has. I love you precious Elsie. Congratulations Momma, you and Miles make BEAUTIFUL babies! :)
What a beautiful birth story! I love that you listened to your body and that everything worked out so well. I truly believe a woman's body knows what it needs, especially in something so wonderful as birth. I can't wait to meet your beautiful baby girl and see you guys again!!
Hey Kendra, i had the same thing happen when Julie was born with my body not wanting to give up the placenta. Interesting feeling eh, the doctor sticking her whole arm in there? With me, the best part was seeing the look on Mikes face when she did it. I thought his eyes were going to pop out of his head. Glad your beautiful girl is here and that you both made it safely.
What a strong & healthy baby! Love how precious she is in those brand new baby shots! AND what a team you had with you--awesome.
Kendra--you did AMAZING. Seriously? Contractions + sunny side up baby (back labor!) + blood drawn + the antibiotic fluids keeping you from being able to move around + getting to a 9.5 so quickly = seriously amazing MAMA! I'm so proud and so impressed. You rocked it and..really...you did the work of it w/out the epidural! And with the epi, the dr. was able to help the placenta out without causing insane pain. Perfect.
I loved reading your story. Welcome Miss E!
(I swear I've commented on this already, but just in case it never went through...)
I love reading birth stories! You did almost the whole thing naturally, and it sounds like it was a blessing you ended up having the epidural in the end (feeling the doc clean me out?! No thanks!). That transitioning is so difficult. Elsie is beautiful and I love all the pictures of your birthing day :)
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