Physically:
I noticed pretty soon after delivering her that I felt a lot better than I did after I had Owen. I was up and walking around, wasn't as sore, didn't need as much medication, etc. The only reason I stayed in the hospital the whole time was so I could have some time with just Elsie before jumping into life with two kids. Once I was home, I felt pretty good, and wanted to be active and do things around the house. However, I could tell when I was pushing it too much and my body was telling me to slow down. I mean...I did just have a child, I guess I couldn't expect to be 100% that fast.
I had some swelling in my body while I was pregnant, most noticeably in my hands (thank you carpal tunnel) and feet, but pretty much everywhere. Well, right after delivery, the swelling in my feet and legs got to a seriously awful state. It was far worse than when I was pregnant, and worse than the swelling after Owen. I had pitting edema (where you push on your skin and it stays indented) for about a week. It was pretty hideous. I was worried for a while, wondering if/when it would go away. I read online that most people said it went away after a week. Well...a week and one day later, it all but disappeared. It was so nice to have my toes, feet and ankles back! Here are before and after pictures:
And I must have had more swelling in my body than I realized, because within just 1-2 weeks after having Elsie, I dropped nearly 30 lbs. (almost all my baby weight) and was back in my pre-pregnancy jeans/pants. That was a nice surprise since it wasn't that fast with Owen. Although let's be honest...I still have some "Owen pounds" hanging on that I need to get rid of. ;)
Breastfeeding has gone a lot better this time. I have felt so much more comfortable and confident with it. I also decided before she was born, that I just wasn't going to stress about it. If it worked out, great. If not, I wouldn't get down on myself and feel badly about supplementing with formula. Early on, I had to coax Elsie to eat with small drops of formula, and on occasion when I felt as though she still seemed hungry I would give her 1-2 oz. In the beginning I would do that maybe once a day. After a few weeks though, it seemed like my supply had come in ok and she seemed satisfied. At my appointment this week I asked them to weigh her. She was 9 lb. 13 oz. (with a onesie and pants one). So in six weeks she gained about 2 lbs. They seemed pleased with that. Of course I still worry and feel as though I am always on guard to make sure she is getting enough - especially with her reflux issues that cause excessive spit up.
The downside of breastfeeding this time is that I have a cut that has not healed. I had them with Owen, but they eventually went away around 6 weeks. This cut is showing no signs of leaving any time soon. I showed it to one of the doctors at the office a couple weeks ago and she called it "impressive." It's about 1/2 inch in length and 1/4 inch in width. Yeah. It's bad. I showed it to my sister and she said it made her stomach turn and she wanted to heave. I've tried everything - Lansinoh, Newman's Ointment, salt water, nipple shield, pumping, etc. Nothing makes it go away or help for any extended period of time. When I showed to my doctor this week, she said that it just might never go away the entire time I'm breastfeeding. Seriously?! It's so disappointing to me. Last time I really had to worry about supply issues. This time, my supply seems ok, but I go through agonizing pain at every feeding. I haven't given up yet. We'll see if I can hold out for an entire year or not... :(
The sleep deprivation is pretty intense. I forgot how bad it is. And it's even worse this time around for two reasons - 1) I have to be more alert and awake during the day to take care of a toddler and I can't sleep when Elsie sleeps and 2) Because of her reflux, she wakes up about every 1 to 2 hours at night. It is SO exhausting. And between each feeding I am out, so I feel especially tired when she yanks me out of a deep sleep. No REM cycles for me! But I know it's temporary, and I'm hopeful that we'll get the reflux figured out so I can get some more sleep.
Emotionally:
After Owen was born, I struggled with post partum depression for about six weeks or so. This time I was on the lookout. I didn't want to be caught unaware like I was with Owen when these crazy emotions started taking control of mind and body. I think having that awareness was the first step in feeling better this time. I have not been hit with PPD at all this time. Baby blues, yes. PPD, no. There have been moments where I have overwhelmed and cried. But I have been able to handle those times and not allow them to get out of control. I also think that I have gotten used to being a full-time mom, so there wasn't any major change there. Don't get me wrong - I did have a break down to my friend the other day about not feeling as though I get anything done or that I'm able to get out of the house. But in general, life is pretty much the same. And I am ok and happy with that.
If ever things start to get overwhelming, or I haven't gotten enough sleep, I can feel waves of emotion come on. But I'm usually able to pass the children off, or take a deep breath and give myself a moment to feel, and then move on. I feel very lucky that I have not suffered from PPD this time around. It was so hard after Owen, and I know there are many people that deal with this. And what I am especially happy about is that I have been able to enjoy and *BASK* in my sweet baby and her newness. I feel as though so much of Owen's early months passed me by in a haze, and that makes me sad. This time I am trying to savor the moments and find happiness, even in the crazy, unproductive, boring, lazy days. Even in those days...there is peace, laughter, sweet smiles, and utter joy in being the mother to these two beautiful spirits.
Six weeks in...life is still rough around the edges as we figure things out. But I wouldn't have it any other way. I love my two sweet babes!
1 comment:
Two beautifu girls!!!
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