I was looking back on some pictures of him over the past 12-18 months. I cannot believe how much he has grown and changed. And yet, some of those pictures, moments, and memories feel like yesterday. But I know they're not. And today will become next year's yesterday and so on, until he is all grown up. It's easy to get tired of the monotony, or frustrated with the difficult days and I know I don't always appreciate each moment I have with him. It makes me sad and makes me worry that one day I will look back and wonder how I missed out so fast. I'm not ready to stop calling him "my baby."
I also worry that having a second child will change so much in our family. I know there will be so much good that comes from it, but what if I resent her for taking my time from Owen? Or what if I resent Owen for making my time with her more difficult? How do I make my heart
Which of course makes me worry about how all of that will go. Part of me feels more confident. Like I will handle this transition to being a mom of two much better than I did to becoming a mom of one. But at the same time, life is comfortable. It's not always easy, but one child is more predictable. We have a decent (yet flexible) schedule that is easy to work around with one. I don't fret about leaving the house in a moment's notice. I don't have to worry about two totally different schedules/personalities/ages. Life is fairly simple.
Change is hard...but change is good. I just hope I can savor each stage in both of my children's lives while not getting caught up in the struggles and unimportant moments.
6 comments:
YOu will do great, Kendra!! YOU ARE doing great :)
Owen & baby will receive an amazing amount of love in your home, they are very blessed. The days might seem longer and the outings might seem more challenging...at first. But you will adjust and you will rock it! And there will still be hard days and new things will come up...'cause that's how mothering is. Ever-changing. As soon as you feel like you have a grip on things...buckle up!! WOOSH! Here comes something new!
Your thoughts are exactly how I have felt, many times.
You're right--adding a new baby WILL change things.
For the better :)
Lucky Owen & baby to have such a loving, tender-hearted, awesome Mama!
I think we forget how immediately and strongly we love those little babies when they're born. I remembering worrying I would resent B for putting a wedge between Mark and I. How could I possibly love anything more than Mark?! What a silly fear that was! You're going to love that little girl just as much as Owen and your ability to love them both is going to increase. It's going to be great, you'll do great :)
You will love them equally, but because they grow so fast it its hard to appreciate all those moments. Start a journal for each child and write all the things they do, say and learn. That's a great way to remember and love all those moments and stages. But it is hard juggling time and attention! That's one thing I'm struggling with now.
I remember feeling the exact same emotions...and then I remember being surprised at how everything ends up working out. I was so worried about having two kids, that I wasn't really even excited for the second baby...until I held Calvin for the first time. It's amazing how much you love that tiny baby right from the start. It's amazing how much your love just grows to include another child--you never love one more than the other, you just love them both with all you have. You might remember from my blog that I had a hard time with Tucker the first few weeks. With all the hormones raging, I had a hard time having patience with him when I had this perfect little newborn around. And then I had a hard time getting a new schedule with two kids--I felt trapped at home & super stressed about every outing for the first few months. I thought I'd never be "in control" of my life again. (but let's face it--are you ever in control again after you have kids?!) :) Anyway, it might take time, but everything works out. Your abilities increase, your love increases, and life with two will become the new normal--and wonderful. As much as I feel like complaining sometimes at how hard it is having two kids who fight, keep each other up at night, etc, I would never trade it--because those happy moments when they're playing nicely or when we're all just together as a family of four...are totally worth it. Hang in there! It will be wonderful! And I'm here to help when you need it! :)
I remember feeling a lot of those same things and then after Lincoln was born there were times were I would just cry because I wanted things to be the same. It was hard for me because I thought maybe I ruined Boston's life and in a way I guess he's never really had the same mom but then things get better and your kids start to play together and then you realize okay THIS is why I had two kids. It is the most rewarding thing to see them play together and I feel like that makes up the gap.
Such wise counsel and advice from your dear friends, Kendra. I'm not sure I've ever had a mom tell me that she didn't worry about her ability to love the second child as much as the first. I think it's normal. I KNOW i worried about that, and then discovered that my love didn't divide at all.... it MULTIPLIED as you said. After that 3,4, and of course my cherry-on-top #5 were also SOoooo wanted and Sooooo cherished. It wasn't always easy, but it HAS been worth it... even through the very tough times, and especially for those priceless times like when your own daughter is having her first daughter.......can hardly wait!
Post a Comment